Romance Scams
Learn how to recognize and protect yourself from scammers who use false relationships to exploit trust and steal money.
What are Romance Scams?
Romance scams occur when someone creates a fake identity to establish a romantic relationship with a victim, ultimately aiming to gain their trust and steal their money.
These scammers spend weeks, months, or even years building what feels like a genuine relationship. They create elaborate backstories, send thoughtful messages, and express deep feelings of love and connection—all while planning to exploit your emotions for financial gain.
Romance scammers typically aim to:
- Request money for emergencies, medical problems, or travel expenses
- Obtain personal and financial information for identity theft
- Involve victims in money laundering schemes
- Solicit gifts or payments for visas, customs fees, or travel costs
- Extract ongoing financial support by manipulating emotions
Common Types of Romance Scams
Romance scammers use different approaches and personas to target victims:
Military Impersonation
Scammers claim to be deployed soldiers, often using stolen photos of real military personnel.
They use their supposed deployment as a reason they can't meet in person and need financial assistance.
International Business Persona
Scammers pose as successful international business people or contractors working abroad.
They build a relationship and then claim to need money for a business emergency, customs fees, or to access their "frozen" funds.
Widowed Person Seeking Connection
Scammers claim to be widowed with children, using this sympathetic backstory to connect emotionally.
They often say they're looking for a serious relationship after their tragic loss.
Inheritance or Wealth Sharing
Scammers claim they've recently inherited a large sum of money or have substantial wealth they want to share with you.
But first, they need your help with fees or taxes to access the funds.
Stranded Traveler
After establishing a relationship, the scammer claims to be traveling to meet you but gets "stranded" or detained in another country.
They request money for travel expenses, hotel bills, or to resolve visa issues.
Blackmail or Sextortion
Scammers build a relationship and convince victims to share compromising photos or engage in intimate video chats.
They then threaten to share this content unless paid, often claiming they need money for a sick relative.
Why Romance Scams Are Effective
Romance scams exploit fundamental human emotions and needs:
Psychological Tactics Used
Isolation and Attention
Scammers provide constant attention and emotional support, gradually isolating victims from friends and family who might question the relationship.
Future Faking
They create elaborate plans for a shared future (marriage, living together, retirement) to strengthen emotional bonds and justify financial requests.
Love Bombing
Intense expressions of love, affection, and admiration early in the relationship create powerful emotional attachments.
Manipulation Strategies
Mirroring and Idealization
Scammers carefully study victims' profiles to present themselves as the "perfect match" with similar interests, values, and dreams.
Sob Stories and Emergencies
They create convincing emergencies or hardships that appeal to the victim's empathy and desire to help someone they care about.
Small Requests That Escalate
They start with small requests before gradually escalating to larger financial demands once trust is established.
Why Seniors Are Often Targeted
Older adults are frequently targeted by romance scammers because:
- Many seniors have accumulated retirement savings or home equity that scammers want to access
- Those who are widowed or divorced may be seeking companionship and more vulnerable to romantic attention
- Some older adults may have less experience with online communication and social media
- Isolation and loneliness can make emotional connections especially powerful
- Seniors raised in more trusting times may be less suspicious of strangers' intentions
Anatomy of a Romance Scam: Red Flags to Watch For
Let's examine a typical romance scam conversation to identify warning signs:
Warning Signs in This Conversation
Too Perfect to Be True
The person appears to be everything you're looking for—attractive, successful, caring, and intensely interested in you despite never meeting in person.
Rapid Expression of Strong Feelings
Declarations of love or deep connection come very quickly, often within days or weeks of first contact.
Plans to Meet Always Fall Through
They make plans to visit but something always happens—a business emergency, medical issue, or travel problem—that prevents meeting in person.
Personal Crisis Leading to Money Request
They eventually share a crisis (medical emergency, being robbed, legal trouble) that requires financial help, often with promised repayment.
Inconsistencies in Their Story
Details about their life, job, or background change over time or contain contradictions that they explain away when questioned.
How to Protect Yourself from Romance Scams
Follow these practices to safeguard your heart and finances:
Research Their Profile
Search their photos using Google Image Search or TinEye to see if they're stolen from someone else. Look for inconsistencies in their story.
Insist on Video Calls
If someone refuses to video chat or always has excuses why they can't, it's a major red flag that they're not who they claim to be.
Never Send Money
No matter how convincing the story, never send money, gift cards, cryptocurrencies, or financial information to someone you haven't met in person.
Discuss With Friends
Share details of the relationship with trusted friends or family who can offer objective perspectives about the situation.
Ask Specific Questions
Ask detailed questions about their life and background. Scammers often have scripted responses and struggle with specific questions.
Trust Your Instincts
If something feels wrong or too good to be true, it probably is. Don't ignore your intuition when red flags appear.
The Golden Rule for Romance Scams
Never send money or financial information to someone you've only met online, no matter how strong your connection seems or how convincing their emergency appears to be.
Common Romance Scam Scenarios
Watch for these frequently used storylines in romance scams:
Military Deployment
"I'm deployed overseas and need money for a satellite phone to keep in touch" or "I need help getting leave approved to visit you."
Widowed with Children
"I lost my spouse to cancer/accident and am raising my child alone. I need help with medical bills or school fees."
Overseas Business Trip
"I'm traveling for work and my wallet was stolen" or "I need to pay an unexpected tax on my business equipment to get it released."
Medical Emergency
"I've been in an accident and need surgery" or "My child/parent is sick and I can't afford their medical treatment."
Travel to Meet You
"I've booked a flight to visit you but got detained at customs" or "My passport was stolen right before my trip to see you."
Unexpected Windfall
"I've inherited millions but need to pay legal fees to access it" or "I want to share my wealth with you, but first need help with transfer fees."
Remember:
In genuine relationships:
- People don't ask for money, especially not early in the relationship
- They can typically provide multiple ways to verify their identity
- They don't have constant emergencies or financial crises
- They're willing to meet in person in a safe, public place
- Their stories remain consistent and verifiable
Anyone who quickly develops intense feelings for you online and then needs financial help is likely running a scam.
How to Verify Online Identities
Use these techniques to check if someone you've met online is genuine:
Photo Verification
- Reverse Image Search: Save their profile picture and upload it to Google Images or TinEye.com to see if it appears elsewhere online
- Check for consistency: Do all their photos have the same person? Are the timeframes, locations, and quality consistent?
- Look for stock images: Professional-quality photos with perfect lighting might be stock photography
- Request specific photos: Ask them to send a picture holding a specific item or making a specific gesture
- Video chat: A genuine person will eventually be willing to video chat with you
Background Verification
- Check social media presence: Genuine people typically have established social media histories with friend interactions spanning years
- Verify employment: If they claim to work for a specific company, look them up on LinkedIn or contact the company directly
- Search for inconsistencies: Keep notes on what they tell you about their life and watch for changing details
- Verify locations: Ask specific questions about where they live that only a local would know
- Investigate language patterns: Watch for inconsistent grammar or shifting language patterns that might indicate multiple people or scripts
Important Note:
A genuine romantic interest should understand your need for caution in online relationships. Anyone who reacts negatively to reasonable verification requests may have something to hide.
What to Do If You Suspect a Romance Scam
If you believe you're talking to a romance scammer, follow these steps:
Immediate Steps
- Stop all communication with the person immediately
- Do not send money under any circumstances
- Document everything - save all messages, emails, and phone logs
- Report the profile to the dating site or social media platform where you met
- Talk to someone you trust about the situation
- Block the person on all platforms and communication channels
- Change your passwords if you've shared any account information
Reporting the Scam
- Report to the FTC at reportfraud.ftc.gov or 1-877-382-4357
- File a report with the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center at ic3.gov
- Contact your local police department to file a report
- Report to the dating site or social media platform where you met the scammer
- Report suspected military imposters to the U.S. Army Criminal Investigation Division at cid.army.mil
Protect Others:
By reporting the scam, you help protect other potential victims and assist authorities in tracking down scammers. Your report matters, even if you didn't send money.
What to Do If You've Already Sent Money
If you've already sent money to someone you now suspect is a scammer:
Act Quickly
The sooner you act, the better your chances of recovering your money:
- Wire Transfers: Contact the wire transfer service (Western Union, MoneyGram) immediately to try to stop the transfer if it hasn't been picked up yet
- Gift Cards: Contact the gift card issuer and report the cards as stolen
- Credit Cards: Contact your credit card company to dispute the charges
- Bank Transfers: Contact your bank immediately to try to recall the transfer
- Payment Apps: Report the fraud to the app's customer service department
File Reports
Report the scam to the appropriate authorities:
- Contact your local police department to file a report
- Report to the FTC at reportfraud.ftc.gov
- File a complaint with the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center at ic3.gov
- If you sent money internationally, contact IC3 or the US Secret Service
- Monitor your credit reports for any suspicious activity
Beware of Recovery Scams
After being scammed, you may be targeted by "recovery services" claiming they can help get your money back for a fee. These are usually secondary scams. Legitimate recovery assistance typically doesn't require payment upfront.
Emotional Recovery After a Romance Scam
Romance scams can cause deep emotional trauma beyond financial loss. Here's how to start healing:
Seek Support
Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a professional counselor about your experience. Join support groups specifically for scam victims.
Remember: You're not alone, and many others have faced similar situations.
Be Compassionate With Yourself
Understand that scammers are professional manipulators. Being victimized doesn't reflect your intelligence or worth as a person.
Focus on your strength in moving forward, not on blaming yourself.
Rebuild Gradually
Take time to heal before pursuing new relationships. When you're ready, approach online interactions with healthy caution, not paralyzing fear.
Consider meeting people through community activities and trusted social groups.
Resources for Emotional Support
- AARP Fraud Resource Center: www.aarp.org/money/scams-fraud/
- Romance Scams Support Group: www.romancescams.org
- Psychology Today Therapist Directory: Find therapists specializing in trauma and recovery
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988 or 1-800-273-8255 (available 24/7 for anyone in emotional distress)
Helping Others Avoid Romance Scams
Share your knowledge to protect vulnerable friends and family:
Supporting Vulnerable Loved Ones
- Discuss romance scams openly but non-judgmentally
- Offer to review online profiles or messages if they're comfortable sharing
- Be a sounding board for their new relationships
- Help with verification steps like reverse image searches
- Encourage them to maintain other social connections
- Offer to accompany them to face-to-face meetings with online connections
- Know the warning signs so you can gently point them out if needed
If You Suspect a Loved One Is Being Scammed
- Approach the conversation with concern, not accusation
- Use specific examples of red flags you've noticed
- Focus on the tactics scammers use rather than questioning their judgment
- Share articles or stories about similar scams
- Offer to help verify the person's identity
- Be patient—many victims initially deny being scammed
- Remain supportive even if they don't immediately accept your concerns
Conversation Starters
Try these approaches when discussing potential romance scams:
- "I care about you and want to make sure you're protected."
- "I read about these scams recently and was wondering if we could look at this together."
- "Would you mind telling me more about this person? They sound interesting."
- "Have you had a chance to video chat with them yet?"
Safe Online Dating Practices
Online dating can be safe and rewarding with these precautions:
Choose Reputable Platforms
Use established dating sites with identity verification features and safety measures. Consider services that cater specifically to seniors.
Always read reviews and check the site's safety policies before joining.
Protect Your Personal Information
Create a dating profile that doesn't reveal your full name, address, workplace, or financial information.
Use a separate email address specifically for dating sites.
Meet Safely In Person
Arrange first meetings in public places during daylight hours. Tell a friend where you're going and who you're meeting.
Consider a group activity for the first meeting and arrange your own transportation.
Healthy Relationship Development
Genuine online relationships typically develop in these ways:
- They progress at a reasonable pace with no pressure to rush into declarations of love
- The person is willing to video chat and meet in person when geographically feasible
- They respect your boundaries and don't push for personal or financial information
- Their story remains consistent and verifiable
- They have an established, credible online presence that predates your relationship
- They have local connections and a real-world life they can talk about in detail
Think You're Being Targeted by a Romance Scammer?
If you suspect you're dealing with a romance scammer, or if you've already sent money, we're here to help.